Two of Liza Ginette\u2019s kids don\u2019t speak to her, and she is proud of them for it<\/p>\n
From the outside, it might have looked like they had fairly normal parent-child issues, she said. She had a tumultuous marriage to their father and difficult divorce. She feels that she forced a new romantic relationship on her kids while tending to dismiss their feelings and sometimes having emotional outbursts, she said<\/p>\n
She does not want to use her last name to protect her children\u2019s privacy but uses her first and middle name online. She makes social media content to coach other families who have gone no contact<\/p>\n
\u201cFor everything that I might have done wrong, I kind of feel like I did something right, because I always taught them not to take bull from anybody,\u201d Liza Ginette said<\/p>\n
There has been a lot of talk about families going no contact \u2013\u2013 it has been described as a rising trend of ungrateful adult children being cruel to aging parents or a younger generation setting boundaries with parents unwilling to treat their children with respect. But the truth is more nuanced, experts say. The decision to go no contact is often difficult, but there can be growth that comes out of it.<\/p>\n
At first, Liza Ginette was distraught and confused at her children\u2019s silence. Everyone told her she was a good mother, she said. But then she started intensive therapy, and the introspection made her realize that she needed to take accountability for some things in her relationship with her children. She had more understanding about why her daughters made their decisions and realized that all she could do was put in hard work to grow as a person.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think that parents get stuck in this idea that they\u2019re being punished when it\u2019s not,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s really that these kids need to heal from something that they\u2019ve gone through.\u201d<\/p>\n
People talk a lot more about families who go no contact \u2013\u2014 take the Beckhams or the British royal family \u2013\u2013 but there isn\u2019t data to indicate that this dynamic is the growing trend the public often describes it as, said Dr. Lucy Blake, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of the West of England<\/p>\n
This kind of disconnect between parents and children is often talked about as rare and unusual, but data shows that 1 in 5 people will become estranged from their fathers, Blake said. About 6% or people lacked a relationship with their mother, a 2018 study showed<\/p>\n
It isn\u2019t just extreme circumstances \u2013\u2013 abuse, crimes or abandonment \u2013\u2013 that lead to no contact. Often, it is the accumulation of difficult dynamics, she added<\/p>\n
\u201cMy research and my understanding is it\u2019s very everyday, common events in family life that can lead to periods of tension and distance and strain,\u201d she said<\/p>\n
Not all periods of no contact are the final word on a relationship, she said. Sometimes they are breaks to establish feelings of safety or to step away and reflect before reengaging<\/p>\n
The experience might also be cyclical, with people reestablishing contact and breaking it several times, Blake added<\/p>\n
For some, the reason behind such estrangements might seem clear to both parties. But in many cases, children ending the contact feel the problems are clear, leaving their parents feeling confused, she added<\/p>\n
For some, going no contact is the breaking of a relationship that can\u2019t or won\u2019t be put back together. But doing so isn\u2019t always the end of the story<\/p>\n
Going separate ways was the impetus for rebuilding a stronger relationship for one mother, Leslie Glass, and her daughter, Lindsey Glass<\/p>\n
In her teenage years, Lindsey Glass struggled with addiction. That experience and the process of getting sober left the mother and daughter clinging to one another in an unhealth<\/a>y way, they said<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019re a caretaker of a teen or a young adult who\u2019s having problems, you become overinvolved with every single thing that\u2019s going on,\u201d Leslie Glass said. \u201cYou worry about every expression on her face. When she goes out, where is she going? What is she doing?\u201d And it was the same with Lindsey, who said she was obsessed with her mom\u2019s life<\/p>\n